Thursday, November 25, 2010

Thanksgiving.

K.

So I might sound weird but it's onry because I had liiiiiiiiike......10? shots? of... tequila? plus like a few vodkasidk.

SO, RIGHT NOW, MY AWESOME UNCLE WENT TO SEE THE SAINTS PLAY AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I WASN'T THERE. THEY EFFIN WON 30-27.

ANYWHO
THings im thakful for:

God, my health, my art, friends, having the love of the most awesome man~ and.... I...
my family i guess. ugh... family.

nadie... sabe como me siento por dentro... una soledad y una tristeza enorme, un vacio que... solo una persona puede llenar... y no esta aqui...
Mas que todo... miedo.
Only I can save myself. Only I can help myself.

estoy sola. nadie le importa. si de verdad quisieran ayudarme? Almenos tratarian de algun modo...
Familia... no tengo.
Pero... gracias a Dios.. te tengo a ti.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

where are we standing?

Odio. Detesto que todo el mundo me dice que lo que tengo con el es falso por la maldita distancia, I got drunk on saturday and I mentioned him when I was blabbering about random crap. Then one friend started to bitch at me about it. " El dia que me voy a callar va ser el dia que te vea feliz con el que todo funcione." Etc etc... el es uno de los pocos que saben de el. No hablo de esto con casi nadie porque se lo que me van a decir. Pero saben que? Solo yo se lo que pasa entre el y yo. I trust him SO much. I know this isn't a lie.

AAH just leave me alone okay? It's my life.

Now.... If only you told me what is wrong with you. I DO understand but there are things we need to talk about... if we're a couple, we need to communicate with each other... I've always been afraid of talking or hurting you... but now I think I'll say how I'm really feeling lately. Siempre he pensado primero en ti y despues en mi... asi soy... I've always considered your feelings before mine... and what happens? I end up bottling up everything and just NOW it got to a point where I can't take it. I want you to talk to me... for once. Crees que no te escucho? O crees que con esconderte o alejarte de todo se va a solucionar todo? Asi como que si se te olvida a vos o a mi y todo esta bien?
aaaah no se dfkdslsf mejor asi lo dejo. Me guardo mi comentario.
W/e this is my ranting spot.

I feel so.... shitty every day. Same routine every fucking day. Wake up, eat, get the paper, look for jobs, call them, drop resumes, come back for lunch and since this is honduras I stay home for the rest of the day unless someone asks me to go out for ice cream or w/e. NOT fun at all. My friends? My friends live like 343425464 minutes away, I don't have a car and transportation here isn't exactly safe, plus i can't afford paying for a taxi cab, people here... aren't... like.. exactly free, y' know? All of my friends cept for 2 of them live with their parents. My two best friends can't sleep over my place because one: The are where I live. They think it's SO SO dangerous. Two: one of their moms is paranoid and doesn't like it.
They can come visit however... but it's not as fun cuz theres nothing to do here really. My mom and grandmother hate it when I take them to my room because it's embarrassing *rolleyes* yes im very messy. OH AND BECAUSE I SHARE IT WITH MY MOTHER. So i don't have a room. So staying in the living room is kinda boring. My house is small. There's NO privacy whatsoever and my mom doesn't like it when I sleep over my friend's houses. Yeah. Oh and when I go out? I ALWAYS ALWAYS have to tell her cuz if i dont she'll call me and go "why didnt you tell me you where going out where are you what time are you coming back?" and if I say idk cuz I'm not the one driving she goes "what? you should know. tell them to bring you home early i dont want you to sleep anywhere." Wtf?? I can't just MAKE PEOPLE take me home cuz SHE doesn't like it. WTF. I'm always getting rides from friends. She never drives me anywhere and she's not even trying to take me to the drivers licenses thing. So what the fuck? I know she'sm y mom and she worries but JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESUS. When I go out at night? My grandmother is always pushing her and telling her that im not home yet, im late, she's always out, call her home, lets go pick her up if shes not here, CALL HER CUZ IM WORRIED. Just... CONSTANTLY instigating her. My mom flips and she's calling me and calling me... jsut UUUUGH.

My life is not fun. Well it is but then my family ruins it somehow. ALWAYS.

I love my friends. Seriously. But I can only trust like 5 people. Those five are like my real bffs. I barely see em too so it's not all that fun :c
Living here just makes it harder. I'm always like grumpy or annoyed? but it's because just... being here makes me feel that way. Here as in... my so called "home". I know I'm lucky I have my family close but ... what for? If they don't- WE don't act like one?
I feel SO lonely sometimes cuz I have no one i can count on.

Financially? My aunts pushed my uncle away from me.
Emotionally? I... think they're all so fucking selfish. My mom specially.
You know she ruined my life? Like... because of her I couldn't finish highschool in Kenner. Because of her I have no residence because... ahaha she voluntarily gave it up. HOW GREAT IS THAT? Now I have to qualify for one ALL OVER AGAIN... well they said she did before the officer canceled it. I know you have that choice. ANYWAYS THIS DEPRESSES ME CUZ I HAD MY ENTIRE FUTURE PLANNED AND IT ALL WENT DOWN THE DRAIN BECAUSE OF HER CARELESSNESS AND SELFISHNESS.
WHAT kind of mother does that? Why she did it? Because she didn't want to leave my dad here by himself. Yes mom I know you loved... or love him but your children come FIRST... but NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO you decided to follow your selfish emotions. Mom, I love you and I WISH I could turn back time... and somehow fix all of that. Right now I'd be working and OUT OF COLLEGE.

I CAN'T EVEN FUCKING GO TO SCHOOL HERE. WHY? BECAUSE MY FATHER FUCKED UP. HE LOST HIS BUSINESS AND THE FACTORY AND WHAT DID HE DO? HE DID WHAT COWARDS DO, RUN AWAY. You were a part of this too cuz you were treating my dad SO bad, mom, one day you just fed him up and he left us for another woman.
My brother? Is a retarded MESS. An american citizen for what? He's not even going to school cuz he has no id only his birth certificate. He'd be receiving financial AID if he would have stayed in New Orleans and he's twenty fucking six years old because YOU didn't do shit about his legal status here. He cant fucking leave the country now cuz he has to pay for whatever it is. You dont even care mom. You don't care. It's always YOU YOU YOU YOU. You may make it seem that you care but deep down, it's all about you and YOUR convenience. My brother and I are living shitty lives and it's hard for us to fix that because of our family's mistakes.
I am practically... fighting for my freedom. But this country's so fucked up, I can't even find a decent job. I had to give up a GOOD job because they couldn't help me with my school schedule... and I couldn't just DROP out of school cuz my mom's paying for it.
Mom, I know you have your good things... and I appreciate it so much. I'm thankful for your sacrifices but you're not very helpful most of the time. I love you, i really really do. I'm just... sick and tired of all of your " I CAN'TS"
I don't want to say that anymore.. I know i got that from you "I cant this i cant do that"

No more, mom. I've had it.

And dad? Please PLEASE keep your promises. It's been 10 years now.

Maybe I'm trying to... look for excuses idk... I wish my family didn't step all over me in the past.

/rant.

I'm tired.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Dioooooooos protegenos > <

sacanos de aqui, por favooorrrr...

help us..

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

.....

I'm not expecting anything from anyone..or you anymore..

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

putting a fake smile on your face isn't gonna fix your problems... or hide what you feel.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Egoismo 101

Me siento como una tonta por veces.
No me dan mas ganas de seguir. Esto... ya parece una pasada egoista mas que otra cosa.
Ya no quiero andar de tras de nadie. Para quedar esperar esperando como una pendeja al final del dia...
Todos me hacen esto. No se porque... quisiera saber.

Soy una estupida.

Todos son unos egoistas. Yo soy la idiota que trata de ayudar a los demas como pueda.
Soy una estupida.
Y NO no me estoy haciendo la victima.
Ya no mas.

Duele... y mucho.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

" too often, I wear my heart upon my sleeve. that too, is fatal"


i wish you could speak to my fears. i wish i could just take that leap of faith. i wish i was just like u-- love & truth personified"


"why do you look so sad?" "because you speak to me in words. and i look at you with feelings."



Stuff I read and liked from A.C. all of that is not mine XD

actions speak louder than words; there's no need to insert your ways of "righteousness" into every part of your rhetoric. --MATTHEW 6:1-7

nice.

Monday, October 25, 2010

I'm a Teacher?

Dear blog?

I'm seriously considering that job as a teacher. I'm desperate for money and well... I don't think it's that bad..... well.. bad or not.. I need money.
AAARRGGG I wish I had my own car :/ I don't want to bother my mother... plus getting back is a pain. My mom goes back to work at 2 and I'd leave work around 2:30. So even if I took the car to work... my mom would have to pay for a cab. Unless.... we take turns? -___-
bleh...


anyway, I had a pretty okay weekend. No one was home until later today. Turns out my brother was the only one that came home but he left again last night. He's not back yet. Mom and grandma come back from Ceiba today. oh yay.
There's some kind of holiday today so they don't work.

ugh im annoyed tho. I don't even want to talk about it.

Meh.

Friday, October 22, 2010

..

I hate crying myself to sleep every night...

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Thoughts...

Last week, my friend's father was shot. Luis, I am so sorry that happened to you. I was so shocked when they told me... I cried so hard cuz I know it's not fair. I hope they get what they deserve.
I can imagine how angry you might feel... Be strong. Take care of your mom and sister. Your dad is in a better place watching over you and your family.


Everyone's going through a hard time. Today, my dad told me he might have tuberculosis. My friend Roberta wants to move but she can't cuz she doesn't have a job hence she's broke.
My best friend is going through a really bad depression because of her grandfather. Her mother had a biopsy done because they found strange lumps in her ovaries. I hope it's not bad.
It's never ending.

People spend more time being sad or angry, I am an example v.v
but now I've come to my senses. Life is... good.. it's awesome. I know people have a good reasons to be angry and annoyed and it does gets tiering at some point. I let that get to me for a long time. I was pissed off for almost 2 years because my life was shitty and I was surrounded by assholes. It still is (cept with no assholes haha ) but I no longer care. I smile at the good things it brings me. Strong enough to withstand anything it throws at me. Brave enough to take chances. Wise enough to make the right decisions. I promised to myself that I wont give up on the things I want and want to do. I firmly believe that things happen for a reason.

When you're going through a rough time, embrace it and work with what you have. Things DO get better. It's taking long for most of us but I believe with all my heart that things will change for good.

Also, someone told me that I have to be selfish sometimes. That is true but I hate being selfish... because I used to be. I learned the hard way. Now, I can't be selfish anymore. It might be a bad thing at some point but it feels like it will make me cold hearted.

I'm scared but I can do it. I also wish that life would even up soon for him and I...

I won't give up.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

.

i feel better except for the fact that a friend's father was killed last night...
I broke down so bad.

R.I.P.


v.v


I get angry because my doc says my body needs a few days for it to get used to them.
It's passing so it's good C:

aaaa

negativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativismnegativism
GO AWAY!
^(° A°)^

Friday, October 15, 2010

Well, fuck.

Well the pills help a lot with my depression... but they make me angry. @A @ fuuuuuu-

eh, I couldn't control it.. Just now? I broke my mirror. MY grandmother was talking and talking and talking and talking and BITCHING AND BITCHING... why??? JUST BECAUSE I USED THE MOP.
She fucking YELLED at me because of THAT. Yelled and cursed... and then she started to bitch more because I didn't put the dishes away. I FUCKING WASHED THEM. I let them dry on their own she doesn't like that, I washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen, she should stay away from the things I do.

Seriously.. THIS is why I hate doing chores here.

I'm leaving today.. im sleeping over whoever takes me in tonight.

Thursday, October 14, 2010

i try too much...


I'll do the same then >:/





sigh.. i feel stupid lying in this bed... the smell of disinfectant is annoying. The nurse is so fucking mean too..

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

AH




IT'S DONE.

YOU BETTER LIKE IT. I ALMOST KILLED MY COMPUTER. >:C

Monday, October 11, 2010

More b.s.

I just got back from my aunt's house. I have to let it out.

I over heard their conversation...

I usually go up to her room and watch tv while we visit cuz all they talk about is politics and criticizing people. I went downstairs to the kitchen, thought no one would be there and my mom and grandmother were there... talking about me.
Apparently my whole family is so fuckng concerned about me not being like them. They say I'm obsessed with drawing, obsessed with video games obsessed with this obsessed with that. Everyone thinks I have a problem. They want to send me to a psychiatrist. I'm... not sick... I'm just me. Why do they have a problem with that? Family should understand... right?

Also my anemia got worse and I can't get treatment cuz I have no money.. we.. have no money... all I've had in 48 hrs is an apple and a bowl of cereal. I'm pale and have no strength to do anything, depression... I've been losing my concentration easily...
I've been fighting that depression though. I can't help it... it's part of it. Apparently my hb range is around 8.9.. which makes it moderate.
No one wants to commission me so getting money right now is impossible. I still don't get how shitty... but REALLY shitty artists who can't even draw an eye can get commissioned.
My dad is doing everything he can to send me money for treatment and food. Special icky diet. I hate liver xD
My doctor said I was gonna be cured but I stopped taking my meds and ate unhealthy things.
I have to take better care of myself.


Commissions will be open... just in case.

Meh, no one reads this crap... why bother anyway.

Also, this... I'm happy with it for some reason.





EDIT

I went to the hospital this morning because of a really bad nose bleed. I did take a picture of that cuz the pillow was soaked. I only have 2 pillows now xD
It was warm and that woke me up lol
Soooo the doc says I need that treatment ASAP. He gave me something that helped with the paleness. So my lips are red now lol hb dropped by 2 btw

I called my aunt and asked her if I could borrow some money. She'll send me $500 c:
Soon though, before it gets WORSE. I'll get better. I'm not too depressed like I was on sunday. I still can't concentrate.

er

nuff of that I'm gone.

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Fun night

I had fun yesterday. Got together with my friends and had a few? drinks? we finished three bottles of vodka |DDD I didn't want to get completely drunk. I enjoyed the time with them and laughed a lot. One of them was getting too mushy with me though ._ .; I moved to the other end of the table with Roque and Karina, all of them were drunk cept my friend mando. Katherine was WASTED. We had fun laughing at the random things she said xD I was a bit drunk... but I remember everything xD cept the things i said/did when I got home. I only remember saying hi to my mom brushed my teeth and that's it.. .I think i passed out.

It's sunday, I hate sundays.They're depressing, gloomy and boring. I'm drawing to keep my mind off shitty things. Though a friend pissed me off today. Seriously. Why does she do that?

i still have that bad feeling too...

Friday, October 8, 2010

yep.

Y siempre me siento como una tonta cuando hago eso. I think I expect too much from people sometimes.

I'm invisible.

Maybe they feel like they would sound stupid to tell me something. Not stupid, just retarded.
I should just stop.



FISH.

I DO WHATEVA I WANT



I'm working on thisssss.... yeaaah. Ryo's dorky dance I think. I really don't know why I drew this. He looks happy? Trying out random poses mebe. The proportions look awful but I promise it'll look awesome when it's done. I used no references so I'm proud of it <: yay!
I wanted to draw him surfing but I couldn't find a decent reference picture.

Also. This inspired me to draw something dark or w/e. All those bottled up feelings.



That after I draw something for John Lennon's birthday <: RIP.

Enjoys.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Korn - Thoughtless




I feel a lot of hate building up every time I hear this song :/ I cry.
Prly cuz I was going through a rough time when I first heard it. High school.... ugh
BAD MEMORIES.

Soooo it's 1:45 am, I'm about to go to sleep.. after I finish a picture I'm working on.
Oh I need to shower too :x Yeah that happens XD Wash dishes and then go to bed. <:
I feel like I'm more productive at night. It's been happening for what... 5 yrs now?
Cept for the times I worked... ha, not I still went to bed late xD I'm getting rid of it slowly - 3-

also, I decided to go to Glowpinkstah's channel in yt. I FOUND THIN MINTS SHIRTS and one with a quote from one of my favorite videos from her XD
CHIT. I'M GETTING THAT SHIRT. FUCK THAT I'M USING MY DEBIT CARD with the little money I have.... lolthatissosad.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME THIN MINTS? HMM?




here you go. I find this funny. If you dont then stfu >:c my humor is.... weird. |3

<3

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Music~





The day was meh and so was 'rehearsal'. The dude was looking at my chest the whole time :/
I was wearing a normal t shirt and a hoodie cuz it was raining/cold out SHOWING NOTHING. Ew what a pervert. I told him I'll call him back when I get more people buuuuuut I wont call <<
ewnono
Anyway, you can barely see it but my fingers are red and they hurt >: I played well I guess and recorded something for someone |D

Oh and this guy named Andres emailed me. He might come on monday, I'm excited cuz I've heard about him and he's GOOD. His guitar is pretty awesome o: I think he's the only one with a Stratocaster around here. I tried writing songs last night, I had so many bottled up feelings... so much fear. I really wouldn't want to make songs out of these...
Eh.... I don't know... I think I'm kinda... off today.. out of place. I don't feel well, emotionally and physically. I think my anemia is back. I don't want to talk about the emotional part xD I'm just... uneasy...

*Cough* I'm hoping I'll have a band soon. Play in random gigs like old times. Yeaaaaah... Now that I think of it... THAT is the missing piece. Music. My old self was influenced a lot by music! It... made me forget about everything. I'd put all my rage or sadness on the chords and strings. No wonder I was happy and uber random all the time. I couldn't feel any anger or sadness cuz I let it out with my guitar haha that AND art. But art right now isn't very good. It sucks... I can't draw anything from the neck down *frustration*


see??
I'm trying to fix that. I think it's the table I draw on. It's too high and I draw on tabloid size pages. So everything looks crooked cuz I have to either lean over or fold the page :/ It's hard to find a good place to draw here. My house lacks good drawing spots xD
My style changes because of that. I obviously draw better when I go to the mall with my friends because the lighting and the tables are much much better.
I'm off. I feel @ A@
eh

Bye.

Friday, October 1, 2010

Empty braein.

I still feel kinda off...
My mind was blank all day until my friend asked me how was I feeling... I tried to avoid the subject but she's the only one that knows about it so I told her how I felt.
She said some things that made me tear up. Like why she doesn't like to feel and how this looked similar to what happened with her and her ex. Which made me feel worse. RIGHT after she said that I started to feel a knot in my throat... and my eyes were teary. Thanks <<

And then her life theories. We're close friends but I don't share her theories lol

I like being emotional... pero es un arma de doble filo.

Eh, yeah. She also mentioned something about... putting a wall up? I guess she meant keep your guard up a little. I don't now why she said that though.. I didn't ask -_-

I'm not thinking about it. Well, technically I am cuz I'm writing about it. I was fine until we talked about the subject.
No se que pensar xD mejor lo dejo asi. Prefiero no quemar lo que queda de mis neuronas.


I'm gonna practice tomorrow. I'm so rusty. I can't 'break' and bend my pinky like I used to :/ It hurts now. I don't know if I'll be lead guitar. Prly just vocals.
I'll call the guy next week and practice with my friends around.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Well

This sucks...


my eyes hurt from crying.I wont ever forget september 29 sadly cuz it was my best friend's birthday :/

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

..

I am thankful for the things I have.

The people around me and my love.


I'm sure God has something better for me... maybe working there wasn't going to help me at all.

Monday, September 27, 2010

T.I.T.S.

Yeah, that's right... T.I.T.S. http://slugbox.deviantart.com/journal/35262565/

Something only Slugbox on dA would do xD Yeah it's a contest and I might do it. It's challenging? Sexy women killing things with tentacles... and being....sexy?
har. I dunno..

and today's my second day of work and it was okay. I have to get used to stupid people asking for copies and for impossible logos and backgrounds. Impossible? cuz they ALWAYS go "I NEED THIS FOR TODAY AT 2" and its around 10 am ._ .
I told my boss I don't work under pressure and I HATE being rushed when it comes to things like that. She's gonna do something about that hopefully.
I'm GLAD this magazine is not monthly... doing this alone would have driven me insane.


ANYWAY, CRAMPS. OW. RIGHT NOW FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I goes to bed now... Whoever is reading this lol. xD

night~

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Job?

Not anymore.

I know I can't be picky when it comes to that but I can't tolerate the shit I have to do there. I have patience with some things but not with everything. The fact that I have to sit in a damn cubicle talking my ass off for almost 10 hrs makes me want to punch people. One? I HATE insisting on people. That I have to do if they don't want to talk. Two? I don't want to smile/talk like a robot. Third? I can't go to school if i stay. Mom managed to pay for my 3 classes this period and I can't just NOT go. All of my classes are in the morning and they said they cant do anything about that so that sucks :/
Sigh... sorry..
I know.. do it for the money... but for some reason that makes me feel more pressured..

It's my choice at the end. I don't need anyone's bullshit at the moment and to be honest? I took cuz I felt so pressured by everyone. One of my friends FLIPPED at me when I told her.
Now I feel like I let everyone down, I feel like total crap. I'm a coward, a failure.
It was my decision and my decision only. No one can tell me what to do or control my life.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

...

he.... pushed me again... i hit my head on the side and im bleeding....
..help me..

Monday, July 26, 2010

Birthday?

I have a feeling I wont have a good birthday.
My friend's schedule ruined plans...
sigh..
and not having the person you love the most makes it worse...

sighs...

Thursday, July 1, 2010

God I wonder If you listen to me when I talk to you...
I know You do but like... why are the answers to my questions so hard to find?
Que debo hacer... porque soy asi, porque estoy pasando por esto... los obstaculos que la vida me ha puesto son demasiado dificiles... pero nada es imposible aunque lo parezca. Me desespero.

Me siento agotada emocionalmente. A veces pienso que si lo que me hace feliz durará para siempre... Tu ya sabes que es. Te pido que nada se interponga entre nosotros. No quieiera salir herida otra vez..
que todo salga bien.

Te pido que cuides a lo que me queda de familia. Que le des salud a mi mama... no quiero que se vuelva a enfermar. A mi abuela que se calme xD y que mi hermano madure. Y a mi papa, ayudale un poco, si?
Keep everyone I love safe. If they hurt... help them through it. Please.

Tu sabes que no soy una mala persona. Todo lo que esta pasando, tiene su motivo. Bueno o malo. Nada mejora.. las cosas empeoran.
I wish I had answers to everything... only You know them.

Also... please let us publish our book D': PREASE. Liek soon? I'LL PRAY EVERY NIGHT XD


Help me...

Sunday, June 27, 2010

i rly dont care if no one reads these...


fuck this.

last blog.

Thursday, June 17, 2010

83

NEW LAYOUT.


Also,YES, BIG GRIN ON MAH FAYSE.


TEEHEE~

My eyes hurt.

I cried myself to sleep last night...
I didn't mean t say those things to him. AAAARG I need to fucking calm down and....
really... think about the things that make me happy.. the good things..

I know that as long as I'm here I won't ever have a permanent smile on my face.
I said I envied my friends families > < but that was out of frustration...
fdjfs im not that kind of person D| I don't need to envy anyone cuz i'm happy with the things I have... like my dog my health and love. I wouldn't change that for the world..

sigh*

he's my life too...

Thursday, June 10, 2010

ugh

im seriously sick and tired of my family... specially my grandmother calling me useless and worthless...
she dared to say no one would take me in when I told her I'm moving out soon...
i feel so much anger... she really hurts me. every single day. I'm emotionally scarred because of them. I am not what they want me to be and that irks them.
They care more about my brother than me, I just proved that.

I wont rush things though because all I will do is fuck things up but I HATE it here, I don't have a family.

I know i cause trouble, but only because I try to stand up for myself.
She doesn't see her defects, which are FAR worse than mine. She should shut the fuck up and leave me alone and RESPECT my life.
I disrespect her here and there but it slips because she disrespects me. That's how I am and she should deal with it.

Fuck. Like she'll ever...

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Dx

When will this be over...


why is this taking so long! D'x

Thursday, May 27, 2010

My Idols?

Everyone has one right?
I guess we all draw or dance or sing because there has been someone you look up to and you wanna be like them right?
All though I've been drawing since I was 4 and nobody in my family is into art or whatever. Yeah my family is pretty boring cuz no one does nothing special... cept for my auntie, she used to make clothes. I didn't like the dresses before BUT now that I see em they are awesome c: Too bad she can't anymore :C
Oh and my uncle... who was in the army and trained Iraqi police men.
God is awesome aaaand has given me strength and health and my talents~ So thank you `u`
They are more like.... INSPIRATION
I have three. Tom DeLonge nomnomnom cuz he's an awesome guitarist and fdfkjsfjslkjf yeah. I've loved Blink 182 ever since they started...well I found out about them when Dude Ranch came out but NO ONE KNEW ABOUT THEM BACK THEN. THEN I listened to their old songs from their first album Cheshire Cat.
LOVE~ and yeah I loved how Tom played and then in 9th grade we started to take guitar lessons and that's when I started. I think I was the only one that actually did music homework xD I loved it.
And THAT helped me through the worst time in my life which wasS when my father left.
Though..high school DID suck for me e _e *shivers*

Art... Rumiko Takahashi. Inuyasha wasn't the first anime I saw from her it was Ranma 1/2. So when I was in 5th grade I started to like copy her syle and what not cuz of all the anime I saw HERS was the one that I just LOVED. So if you were wondering who inspired me to draw anime? It was her.
Now I totally lost her style cuz I've been working on my own all these years. My first anime painting EVER, was one of Sesshoumaru. Hoooot~ Painted it in 6th grade. That same year I came up with several characters WHICH do have a story xD Ryosuke and Seiji and the rest ( lol jap names) Ryo has evolved so much! xD he used to wear like those feudal clothes now he's liek this punk dude with checkered wristbands and shit haha it's awesome but I've neglected the others ; 3; I'm sorry my babies! D':
Naw but Ryo? He's like... my persona so he has a lot of meaning...

I said Michelle Phan was my inspiration too but I realized she's a fake and greedy person.
ew.


So there you go! Sooo who or what is your inspiration?

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Details.


Yep, trying out a new shading technique. I've been trying to take my time on the clothes.
I think it's working. I'll detail the hair more too. Add more shading than usual and try a tutorial from the PaintToolSai group.
C:

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I

Hate my art.

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Reasons why...

I don't sleep:

- I share a bed with my mother. Gag me.
- She hogs the fan so I have to strip off my clothes cuz it gets hot at night.
- She throws her whole self on to me in the middle of the night, pushing me to the edge of the bed and making me fall once or twice
- She snores....rly loud.
- Not enough room on my side :/

So what do I do?

I stay up late. I don't sweat cuz I have the roof fan on. I guess I'm more productive at night so I draw better lol.
So when I go to bed I feel like...the nights shorter. Cuz she'll wake up in 4 or 3 hours to go to work, then I have the bed to myself... If that makes any sense.

OR

I sleep on the couch... which is not very comfortable. BUT what pisses me off is that MOM doesn't like it.
WELL WTF I HATE SLEEPING WITH YOU BECAUSE YOU WONT LET ME SLEEP

I really want to go to bed early and all but I can't.

I don't even have my own room.

- 3- zZzZz

Thursday, May 6, 2010

' Raver '


So it's done... and I'm not satisfied with it. Everything is off, even the feel to it.
So i dont know.. comments?

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Ravur 2




Yep, still working on this. I'm going to change his skin tone. So crit plz. I like the lighting but the background is... poop.
lol.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Ravur?


Why is it that when everything is going well... but so well, someone's gotta drop a bomb on you?
I already know my parents fucked my life over but mom decides to tell me today while we were waiting in that fucking huge ass line... 'i dont know what we'll do with you, your dad ruined your life, not mine' e e;
I don't know where her 'positive attitude is. I wish he wouldn't have left. Like, it would have been okay if he would have stayed here but no, he had to step all over his daughter's future because of some stupid whore.
Fuck all of that. I'll give it a go, what can I lose...? All of this will end soon. Things look really complicated but I have my hopes up.

So I'll stop ranting and time to share what I was really supposed to share XD
ART!
Another failed piece! That's because I'm trying to draw with no references. He was supposed to be a fire dancer because well... he's a pyro xD but I couldn't make up a dynamic pose... well I did but I couldn't get it on paper. I was watching one of David Guetta's videos and I saw some firedancers and I loved the idea. I thought Ken would be the perfect character for a piece like that. I did change his look a bit. He used to have a braid but I had troubles drawing it. So I'm practicing how to draw flowy braids. His wristbands had long spikes, removed those... hmmm... that's about it.Anatomy needs a lot of work, his legs.. ugh. Well I think his torso is okay but his legs are not normal? lol. I love his shoes though cB proud of those! haha. His pose DOES make him look like he's raving and Mack thought he was before I told him he's 'firedancing' XD yep fail. So at the end I decided to make him a raver. Coloring will be hard because I need the perfect lighting and skin tones fdsfsdfs so as you can see.... it's not working lol
I'm off to bed my head is about to 'splode and I need to pick up our passports tomorrow morning.

bai bai :3

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Lunch Bullshit

So I went with mom to buy some pupusas and tacos and while we waited for our food I told her thaaat.... my grandmother had a dream about my dad, that he was here and wanted mom back or whatever. So I told her about it and I asked her why would he come? I think it's... a waste of time. I don't- WE don't need him. Not... here at least. If he comes back? It'll be worse. He'd be uncomfortable and the tension in the house will be... just.. ugh. MORE stressful. She said she's not a pessimist... Weeeell I was only trying to be realistic and I can't remember why I said to her that she didn't want me to be happy... and then I said that if I get married I'd be happy and wouldn't do the kind of shit she did. S

She.. just laughed. Like wtf, that really hurt. Then she started to mention shit like you don't clean, you don't do this you barely cook you're so lazy, shit I know already.
I'm sure it's not like that. I'm just so stubborn and UUGH I hate this place and I don't find it fair that I do everything. I'm trying to help my grandmother now cuz she can't walk but no one else helps around the house. I at LEAST fix my bed and most of my mess. She thinks I WONT be happy and that I'll end up like her or something. :/
Moms don't do that y' know?
That just rly upset me and I didn't cry when she was around... I waited for her to leave.
So I rant here. Lol

I'll be happy I know that.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

bleh

I wish I could do stupid shit with my friends. That's why I miss Robert and the guys. We used to go to the mall and act like retards, which was fun.
I should be filling this blog with art and shit that does make sense. But this is my little private space. Where I can rant and rant and not have anyone tell me that I rant too much.


And it also sucks that I feel left out.



wooo


k bai

Saturday, April 17, 2010

:3

I love his smile v////u///v

Monday, April 12, 2010

ohohohoho~

Was having a bit trouble today. I woke up at 8 to work on my project and all the illustrators I got didnt work :/ so I wasted an entire day.
But a friend of mine called me and told me he had a copy of CS2. He saved my butt xD

AND I FEEL BETTER NOW.

I AM

MY OLD SELF AGAIN.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFPIECAWK<333

Friday, April 9, 2010

Meh

So I had the worse break down ever.
Everything's happening. It's finally happening. That was scaring me and I freaked.

Now everything's okay..

Cose che di pensiero non dovrei pensare.
Cose dette con fuori pensare.
Ma quello non sta importunandolo ora. Perchè non posso avergli una conversazione con? Devo essere così scopare logico? Meno impressionabile? Ha potuto essere la gelosia. Sono giusto non gradendolo. Facile parlare di? Desidero confortarlo, non lei… Ho una sensibilità difettosa, ma non è lui… è circa lei.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Heee~

I'm staying over Diana's till tomorrow. I don't wanna be home >. o
Nother gewd thing, I talked with Carlos last night <3 which was awesome as always :3
he always makes my day. duuur

Anyway hee~ We worked on her homework. This huge building thing she's designing fffff
Architecture's hard D: I couldn't handle so much stress... I think I'd be bald by now. XDD Plus I hate drafting fffffff I should scan some of the stuff I had to draw for drawing class. I hated that period cuz it was AAAALLL drafting. Then the 2nd one was pastels and still life <3 it was awesome and 3rd one was manga, pretty neat.
I'm hoping to post my art here so I can share it with everyone derpderp cuz dA is stupid.

:'D


Bai~

Wednesday, March 31, 2010


Things seem to be looking up.
I'm going to the embassy in april... and I'm nervous lolol aaand positive.
I'm sure everything's gonna turn out okay.
So yeah... this is it.

My mother's gonna help me out a whole lot which is awesome. It's gonna be easier for me I hope.
I are excited > w<

Also, I had fun on monday and tuesday :D me and some friends got together for Armando's mom's bday. fffffuun~
Played uno and they made me chug mah whiskey >: which made me tipsy cuz that one was sooo ffffffssfskfj<3
Diana's like " you can't taek alcohol honey" me >_____> ookay..
Had Kahlua and what not... yeah i got drunk > n> lolololol

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Sad morning

So today didn't start very well.
My mother got a call at 5:30 a.m it was one of her best friend's daughter with some bad news.
One of their dear friends had passed away. I used to call her my aunt cuz she was like a sister to my mother.
Her brother is very ill in the hospital and it seems like he's not gonna make it.
They found her dead around the time my mom was called. I guess she might have died of a heart attack.. all that pressure about her brother's situation and her mother... she was the one taking care of her 90 something ( I'm not sure how old she is I just know she's over 90) year old mother. Now she's alone :c and that's really heartbreaking cuz aunt Maureen was the only one she had.
They're gonna burry her today.

Mom didn't need that. She can't have too much emotional stress because of her health but I'm sure she'll be okay.
I never imagined something like this was going to happen.
I used to go to her place after work. Spent some time with her and talked and played with her dog.

Her mother is Eileen Robinson. She is an artist. She paints with watercolors and her pictures are beautiful. I wish I would have learned something from her.
Here's one of her pictures. It's just a thumbnail but it's awesome.
another and I was lucky to find two.

eh... anyway... I'm just like... in shock.

Hai c:

I'm a 21 year old artist not much to say. I'm from Honduras, currently studying graphic design... but I don't feel... satisfied with that. I want to be an illustrator, a game illustrator but graphic design is the closest thing to art here so I have no choice. I'm working on moving to the U.S. to study what I really want.
So yeah I'm aiming high haha
Actually... two reasons why I wanna move to California
Truly and madly in love with an amazing guy c: and even though we're not together... yet x/D he makes me really happy :3 so I can't wait to see him <3 He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him to death.
I'm gonna start this blog thing again cuz my friend Weelow is awesome and sorta convinced me to make one xD
I'm gonna post art that some wont be able to see on dA and yeah xD thas it for now.
Buh bai