Korn - Thoughtless

I feel a lot of hate building up every time I hear this song :/ I cry.
Prly cuz I was going through a rough time when I first heard it. High school.... ugh
BAD MEMORIES.

Soooo it's 1:45 am, I'm about to go to sleep.. after I finish a picture I'm working on.
Oh I need to shower too :x Yeah that happens XD Wash dishes and then go to bed. <:
I feel like I'm more productive at night. It's been happening for what... 5 yrs now?
Cept for the times I worked... ha, not I still went to bed late xD I'm getting rid of it slowly - 3-

also, I decided to go to Glowpinkstah's channel in yt. I FOUND THIN MINTS SHIRTS and one with a quote from one of my favorite videos from her XD
CHIT. I'M GETTING THAT SHIRT. FUCK THAT I'M USING MY DEBIT CARD with the little money I have.... lolthatissosad.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME THIN MINTS? HMM?




here you go. I find this funny. If you dont then stfu >:c my humor is.... weird. |3

<3

Music~

The day was meh and so was 'rehearsal'. The dude was looking at my chest the whole time :/
I was wearing a normal t shirt and a hoodie cuz it was raining/cold out SHOWING NOTHING. Ew what a pervert. I told him I'll call him back when I get more people buuuuuut I wont call <<
ewnono
Anyway, you can barely see it but my fingers are red and they hurt >: I played well I guess and recorded something for someone |D

Oh and this guy named Andres emailed me. He might come on monday, I'm excited cuz I've heard about him and he's GOOD. His guitar is pretty awesome o: I think he's the only one with a Stratocaster around here. I tried writing songs last night, I had so many bottled up feelings... so much fear. I really wouldn't want to make songs out of these...
Eh.... I don't know... I think I'm kinda... off today.. out of place. I don't feel well, emotionally and physically. I think my anemia is back. I don't want to talk about the emotional part xD I'm just... uneasy...

*Cough* I'm hoping I'll have a band soon. Play in random gigs like old times. Yeaaaaah... Now that I think of it... THAT is the missing piece. Music. My old self was influenced a lot by music! It... made me forget about everything. I'd put all my rage or sadness on the chords and strings. No wonder I was happy and uber random all the time. I couldn't feel any anger or sadness cuz I let it out with my guitar haha that AND art. But art right now isn't very good. It sucks... I can't draw anything from the neck down *frustration*


see??
I'm trying to fix that. I think it's the table I draw on. It's too high and I draw on tabloid size pages. So everything looks crooked cuz I have to either lean over or fold the page :/ It's hard to find a good place to draw here. My house lacks good drawing spots xD
My style changes because of that. I obviously draw better when I go to the mall with my friends because the lighting and the tables are much much better.
I'm off. I feel @ A@
eh

Bye.

Empty braein.

I still feel kinda off...
My mind was blank all day until my friend asked me how was I feeling... I tried to avoid the subject but she's the only one that knows about it so I told her how I felt.
She said some things that made me tear up. Like why she doesn't like to feel and how this looked similar to what happened with her and her ex. Which made me feel worse. RIGHT after she said that I started to feel a knot in my throat... and my eyes were teary. Thanks <<

And then her life theories. We're close friends but I don't share her theories lol

I like being emotional... pero es un arma de doble filo.

Eh, yeah. She also mentioned something about... putting a wall up? I guess she meant keep your guard up a little. I don't now why she said that though.. I didn't ask -_-

I'm not thinking about it. Well, technically I am cuz I'm writing about it. I was fine until we talked about the subject.
No se que pensar xD mejor lo dejo asi. Prefiero no quemar lo que queda de mis neuronas.


I'm gonna practice tomorrow. I'm so rusty. I can't 'break' and bend my pinky like I used to :/ It hurts now. I don't know if I'll be lead guitar. Prly just vocals.
I'll call the guy next week and practice with my friends around.

Well

This sucks...


my eyes hurt from crying.I wont ever forget september 29 sadly cuz it was my best friend's birthday :/

..

I am thankful for the things I have.

The people around me and my love.


I'm sure God has something better for me... maybe working there wasn't going to help me at all.

T.I.T.S.

Yeah, that's right... T.I.T.S. http://slugbox.deviantart.com/journal/35262565/

Something only Slugbox on dA would do xD Yeah it's a contest and I might do it. It's challenging? Sexy women killing things with tentacles... and being....sexy?
har. I dunno..

and today's my second day of work and it was okay. I have to get used to stupid people asking for copies and for impossible logos and backgrounds. Impossible? cuz they ALWAYS go "I NEED THIS FOR TODAY AT 2" and its around 10 am ._ .
I told my boss I don't work under pressure and I HATE being rushed when it comes to things like that. She's gonna do something about that hopefully.
I'm GLAD this magazine is not monthly... doing this alone would have driven me insane.


ANYWAY, CRAMPS. OW. RIGHT NOW FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

I goes to bed now... Whoever is reading this lol. xD

night~

Job?

Not anymore.

I know I can't be picky when it comes to that but I can't tolerate the shit I have to do there. I have patience with some things but not with everything. The fact that I have to sit in a damn cubicle talking my ass off for almost 10 hrs makes me want to punch people. One? I HATE insisting on people. That I have to do if they don't want to talk. Two? I don't want to smile/talk like a robot. Third? I can't go to school if i stay. Mom managed to pay for my 3 classes this period and I can't just NOT go. All of my classes are in the morning and they said they cant do anything about that so that sucks :/
Sigh... sorry..
I know.. do it for the money... but for some reason that makes me feel more pressured..

It's my choice at the end. I don't need anyone's bullshit at the moment and to be honest? I took cuz I felt so pressured by everyone. One of my friends FLIPPED at me when I told her.
Now I feel like I let everyone down, I feel like total crap. I'm a coward, a failure.
It was my decision and my decision only. No one can tell me what to do or control my life.